You’ve read the instruction books. You’ve researched the best vises, the most uniform hackle, the strongest hooks. You’ve tied at least a bazillion flies. You’ve gone to tying seminars. But there’s one more thing that books and seminars just can’t teach you: how to cuss.

There’s an art to swearing that can only be developed by experience, but here are some short cuts to the vocabulary that really enhances the tyer’s aptitude and attitude. The following is a list of the most effective expletives for those of you yearning to venture beyond “heck” and “darn.”

$&!@  This mild oath is appropriate for minor annoyances, like trying to remember where you put the nymph hooks that your buddy gave you so you could tie him a few of your inimitable hare’s ears. It also works well when you’re forced to clean your tying bench because you can no longer find your hackle pliers or bobbin in the piles of deer hair clippings, webby hackle stubs, and half-inch remnants of chenille.

#*$$&!@ %^ This stronger version of the above works in several situations, such as when the hook draws blood as you dub the abdomen on the blue wing olive. It’s also good when your thread breaks, but you make the save. (If the fly unravels, see below.) It also works well when your head cement applicator clogs because ­­someone forgot to put the cap on.

%!*% This vulgarity is most effective when spoken sharply, quickly, and emphatically when your thread breaks, usually as you’re flaring the collar of an elk hair caddis and the fly unravels. It also works well when a size 20 grizzly hackle snaps just before you manage to tie off the head of a teensy Adam’s.

*^%$@#*~&^! Most useful in a barroom brawl, this can also vent feelings when the size 26 dry fly hook springs unbidden from your vise and disappears into the Great Void.  When your hackle points twist to the side and refuse to separate into two nice, even wings, this sometimes persuades them to straighten up and fly right! (It’s also good streamside, when a 22-inch brown breaks off your last grizzly midge, then sneers at you before cruising upstream.)

#%$^&!@$*&%# Truly world-class swearing! This twelve-letter expletive should only be used in extreme situations. Like dropping your hook box on the living room carpet—the box that contains 2,000-plus Tiemcos, sizes 18-26. Not only do you have to pick all the little buggers out of the shag, but you’re stuck with sorting them into sizes and types.

You have the basics of cussing; now be creative.  Post this list above your tying bench and refer to it often. Your skills are guaranteed to improve, and your mate will marvel at your blissful disposition after a long evening at the vise. Try combining any or all of the above to fit any given situation. With practice, you can apply these epithets in situations that have nothing to do with fly tying, as long as you don’t do it in mixed company.

Go ahead and let one rip, just for the hell of it. Now don’t you feel better?